12.03.12

I live in Melbourne now
How?

I used to love it here - but now I fear that it is going to change me.
I used to love myself, but now I hate being me

I hate walking out and being the only black person I see
I hate the racial stares and the comments I hear
A lazy white woman's friend said to her - you need your own little black slave to get it for you. Hahahhaaha they all laughed, my little black slave she said. I walked passed them but the laughter didn't stop. No aknowledgment of the offence caused. I felt drained for the rest of the day. No food tasted good - nothing made me laugh. Just felt drained and wished I was someone else...or better, somewhere else.

I live in Melbourne now - who even thought that was a good idea?!

People are brought together for a reason, everything happens for a reason. I believe the reason that you and me were brought together was because we complete one another. We fill in each other's missing spots with love. And if someday God decides to tear us apart, I trust that there is a reason. Cause if there is a reason for love, there is a reason for life beyond it.

Catherine Ann Smiles 2010

ode to my unborn (cheesy, I know)

A cocophony of beautiful sounds
is what I hear when you speak
A perfect angel resting his eyes
is what I see when you sleep

I pray that you are healthy;
And your cheeks will forever glow
I pray that the Lord protects you;
And in His love you'll grow

I pray you inherit you mothers heart
for her mind is whimsical and weak
I pray you inherit the strength of character
that made your father so unique

I hope you grow to be the man;
Your dad and I want you to be
A man with strong morals and dignity;
A gent with a sense of duty

I pray that the world loves you as I do;
And sees the beauty in your smile
I pray that your love has a heart of gold;
As gentle as your bathing camomile

I pray your mind is open;
to love and life's unsure...
uncertainties and promises;
I hope you heart stays pure

I want you to take pleasure;
In the simple things in life
To see the beauty in uncertainty;
And the opportunities in times of strife

I hope you have a baby;
That makes you as happy as you've made me
I hope you'll fall in love with a lady;
That makes your heart feel protected yet free

I hope I am a good mother;
That makes you feel confident and loved
One that is loving yet disciplined;
With boys we can't be too soft

The thought of you makes my heart smile; Even though you're still so far away
Don't know when you will come to be my little one; when you and mum can play